Whenever I see or hear the word “Lightweight”, the first thing that comes to mind is the legendary bodybuilder Ronnie Coleman. The 8 time Mr. Olympia, Ronnie Coleman has some very famous quotes like “Lightweight Baby”, “Yeah buddy” and “Ain’t nothing but a peanut”.  Watch his famous quotes here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ssA4Pht5Moc

Being a bodybuilder myself, I frequently use these quotes in the gym and whenever I do my high intensity interval training. It kinda motivates me to squat heavier and sprint faster. But how could “Lightweight” be so related to drinking? Many might be left wondering but here’s a story…

I visited Ales & Lagers in November 2013 with great expectations but I was disappointed because apart from the Pannepot and Black Albert, they had nothing but “Lightweight” beers like the Revelation Cat California Moonset, Magic Hat HIPA and Brewdog Dead Pony Club. My definition of “Lightweight” is anything below DIPA or some say Double IPA or Imperial IPA.

"Lightweight" Beer

Not "Lightweight" Beer

During my visit on Sunday, 10^th November 2013, I had 15 bottles of beer just for myself.  That’s how “Lightweight” it was.  I left the shop half sober even after paying my bills of over RM400.  Perhaps, a few sips of –ve ABV beer could’ve made me sober.  But I didn’t stop there.  I didn’t give up.  Being a dedicated drinker, as much as a dedicated deadlifter, myself and some other members of the notorious Whatsapp group, The Drunk Philosophy, continued pestering the founder and owner of Ales & Lagers to bring in more choices of not “Lightweight” beers. Days after days, weeks after weeks and the time came.

On the tenth day of year 2014, I made another visit to Ales & Lagers. I was there early and I wasted some data sending Whatsapp messages for the door to be opened.  I kicked off with a bottle of Brewdog Libertine Black Ale with a few pieces of good ol’ Texas fried chicken.  It was good but “Lightweight”. Moving forward, I had the Nogne Two Captains, Nogne Sunturnbrew, Eviltwin Lil’ B, a few sips of Brewdog Fake Lager, Eviltwin Lowlife, Eviltwin Yin & Yang and Brewdog Christmas Paradox 2012.

"Heavyassweight" Beer

Because Lil’ A Was Missing

Guess what?!  It was “Lightweight” in the beginning but I was drunk by the eighteenth hour of the day. I couldn’t finish the Bah Kut Teh I had at Yeoh’s and when I got back to the bottle shop, I was sipping water while waiting for a friend to continue the race.  I had the baton passed on and it wasn’t really “Lightweight” after all.

For the first time, in the craft beer history of Malaysia, Ales & Lagers have the best selections of not “Lightweight” beers.  I went back two days later and had more of these not “Lightweight” beers.   They have brought joy and satisfaction to my heart and they have pushed my limits and dedication in my drinking career.  With great dedication, one day, all of us can shout “Lightweight!” while we raise our drinking glass.  If I was Ronnie Coleman, I would say, “Everybody wants to be a drinker, but don’t nobody want to drink no heavyassweight beer!”

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This place is found about 20~40mins by taxi from Bangkok’s main center on Rama II . I was very surprised by the size it was massive!! And the amount of people pouring into the place! Yes I thought! The holy grail of beer in Thailand must be here!

Well it was kinda…..

This place was very Thai orientated…. fair enough I’m in Thailand!! But in terms of a beer enthusiast looking for the western microbrewery experience you won’t find it here aye.. The main attraction is the big stage show with various choreographed dancing and singing shows  in Thai and also some English pop/R&B solo and duet songs are performed…. highly entertaining to be honest! The beer here is surprisingly fantastic though which is the main thing!

The place has absolutely nothing to do with Holland other than the crazy windmill out the front and the fact I assume those Dutch love their beer?! Well they made Heineken and Grolsch I spose….

The whole place is more so centered on the massive stage show and awesome food more  than the excellent beer on offer even though fermenters behind the bar themselves were clearly in view and big!

No one sitting round the bar, Just the wait staff collecting orders and filling up those incredible beer towers that you see round Thailand and Malaysia mainly in food courts…gotta love that!

So we ordered our food and I ordered the BEER! They had three brews on offer a dark Dunkel , a Weizen and a wait for it a…….. Lager!!

After a week of Lagers in beaut Chiang Mai I was craving a good ‘ol ale! Had a stein of the Dunkel to start off  nice roasty choc malt on the nose and a faint noble hop aroma. Wow… on the mouth full it was very malty and  caramelly in taste and smooth as! It was more like a robust porter beer than a German style Dunkle. The Weizen was very nice too! Big banana and clove notes on the nose  true to style, very cold creamy and refreshing going down as a good Weizen should be! It filled me up quite quickly though due to the wheat malts and having close to a litre of Dunkle before!  Now the Lager….

Now this was a big surprise! No big hop aroma but a subtle scent of a noble hop was there along with a good fresh somewhat pilsner malt grain tone. Mmmmm….nice and cold going down  like a Lager should be with a awesome very well balanced bitter after taste! Easily the best lager I had on my Malaysia/Thailand trip! I can see why this was the most favored brew at the venue! Could of drank it all night…and almost did!

I wanted to complement the brewer but found it hard to communicate this to the staff due to the language barrier. Oh well if you’re out there mate I think you make some of the best beer in Thailand by far!! Service by the way was excellent- as always in the land of smiles : )

The food was great. If you like your fresh seafood dishes this is a good place to check out if you are ever in Bangkok. We had the crab curry and rice  and it was a very good match for the Lager.  I’ll definitely be going there again next time I’m in Bangers..now to find a decent hotel on Rama II…….

Holland Beer

129/9 moo 6 Rama 2 Road
Bangkhuntian
Bangkok 10150
Telephone: +66 2-4531101-10

PROPERBEERMATE

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For the first time in my life, I turned down all invite for booze over the weekend. There were about 6 of it and I even went to the pub twice and not a single drop of alcohol. It’s Saturday now and I just came back fresh from a party, and yet still without a single drop of alcohol.

What happened? There’s a few possiblities; for instance I am just f***ing with you, or I finally f***ing own up to my ‘I want to f***ing quit drinking’ talk I have been saying since 2001 or just an attention seeking hiatus. Fact is, it was none of the above. I am sick.

Sick as in just a simple gum infection, nothing too extraordinary, but it was, in my humble opinion, more hurtful than having a Brazilian wax every minute of the day. But it wasn’t really. I am chicken shit, so I loaded myself with drugs to kill the awful awful torment, drugs to help me sleep and after a short consulation with a person so familiar with drugs, he’s got a degree in it, he managed to convince (tricked) me to take antibiotic!!! You’re probably thinking, it’s only antibiotic, it’s not f***ing rats’ poison or cynide.

It might as well be. There’re so much drugs in my system, you might as well change my name to Pfizer.

“Here take this 3 times a day. You might as well take one now!”

“Ok, yeah, sure.”

“Oh, by the way, you should not consume any alcohol while taking this drug.”

“For how long?”

“Just until you finish the course of antibiotic.”

“What antibiotic? THAT…!!!? Are you f***ing kidding me? Ughhhhh…IT’S THE F***ING WEEKEND!!!”

I broke his pen and left the clinic. Might have also gave him the finger and some unintended profanities might have occur on the way out.

Truth be told, I *can* consume alcohol.  All it’s going to do (supposedly, you can’t quote me on this) is just render the antibiotic useless and probably but not likely hit me with worse infection. Won’t die from it, but don’t quite fancy another infection. Hence, an internal alcohol embargo.

So everytime the phone rings, a part of me wants to throw in the towel and give in to fate. All but one call, from Borj, and Italian friend that cooks, like, well…any other Italian. Good food, great company, a lot of chicks, and wait for it…booze. 10 minutes into the party, I was only chewing on baked potatoes and my beloved friends were stoked that I was not on my second beer. Or gin. Or both and some tequilla shots too. Explaining myself was not as tough as trying to f***ing talk to anyone, cause I have never f***ing seen them while I am sober before.

Surprise, surprise, I was dry with humour, too f***ing edgy, even walked away from a fine English lady that was talking to me about some gibberish because I don’t know what was appropriate to say. Bloody amateur. In short, not only did I purge (supposedly) the toxin away, I indeed purged some friends away too. What do I usually say or do with them I was drunk that it took so much of my time? So much for my first weekend without booze.

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It was a long day. The evening sun makes me feel as if I am swimming in volcano. Every pore on the skin was sweating. I was craving for something ice cold and extremely refreshing, like cider or beer or coke.

It was Friday, and Friday is notorious for after work jam. So I went home… before I go on, I have to clarified this. I frequent a waterhole so much I now refer it as home. However, my mates around me always know which home am I referring to. Thank god.

Sms can read “Code red, come home” and I know where to go.

Sms can read “Come home or no beer for one month” and I know where to go.

Had two pints of my favourite black drinks in the end. Awesome. And when the bill came, I had a shock.I am a… TABLE NUMBER!

And yea, I am a table, the waiter is crow, bartender is lobster and cat is the cashier.I heard the boss is a bear! (Sorry, Geoff)

I will definitely be swimming in volcano if my girlfriend knew I am always home. Maybe no beer for one month too. Damn.
What a day.

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