Of the things in life that I love, no two things are more incompatible than cars and beer. You can’t enjoy one with the other, unless you’re having a tipple while playing Forza Motorsport on your X-Box. Comparing cars and beer is like comparing chalk and cheese. They can’t be more different. Or can they?
Both are made up of seemingly unrelated parts; the engine, transmission and chassis in the car; water, malt, yeast and hops in beer. Put them all together, and you get a product that’s endearing and elicits a desire that defies logic.
I thought it fitting to combine them in a way that doesn’t involve getting me tossed into jail – by comparing characteristics of cars to the characteristics of beer. Except for 2, these are not really mind blowingly expensive cars. They do evoke an unmistakable sense on longing and desire in me. And these are the cars that I would like to have in my 10-car garage (every bloke should have a list like this. Seriously). In no particular order, here’s the first 5.
Lotus Exige
If you see one, get out of the way. The Lotus Exige is a louder, tighter, angrier version of the already mental Elise. Everything about the Exige, from the road-legal slick tires to the supercharged Toyota engine is designed for driving.
Beer comparison
James Squire IPA. Hoppy, rich and robust, this drink is insanely great. Like the Elise, it demands respect. It’s also stronger than it tastes so be careful.
Range Rover V8 Sport
Brash, bold and gives a huge F you to the enviromental-ists out there. Every premier league footballer’s wife has one of these. That enough should give you reason to avoid it. But it looks great, drives well and is powered by one of the best engines in the world.
Beer comparison
Innis and Gunn Oak Aged Beer. This is a weird beer. It’s aged in Oak (hence the name), and is very very strong. Personally I think it tries too hard to be different, but is a great to drink for a change.
BMW M3 Coupe
The M3 holds a special place in my heart. Ever since I could remember, I have always loved this car. I loved how it can swallow 4 adults and their shopping, and take you for a blast around the Nordschleife at the same time. Of all the cars here, this is the one I would buy.
Beer comparison
Leffe Blonde Draft. I love this beer. I love the slight lingering sweetness it leaves on my palate. I love the almonds on the nose and I love the kick (about 7% alcohol content). Drink up mateys.
Porsche 911 Turbo
What’s not to love about this car? The engine’s in the wrong place, it looks like a VW beetle, the basic design hasn’t changed in the last 50 years, but it’s a great all round sports car. Earlier versions try their best to kill you. Modern versions are safer, but by no means less exciting. The car I would have if I win the lottery.
Beer comparison
The Chimay Blue. This was a tough one. I wanted a beer that was a good treat, but can get you seriously drunk very quickly. I drank the Chimay Blue years ago in Singapore (cost a fortune, but was really good). I loved the deceptive floral nose and taste, the mild flavour of the roasted malt. I also remember that I can’t recall much of that evening.
Jaguar Mk II
The stately Jaguar seems out of place in this crowd. But don’t let its looks fool you. It was unbeatable in the touring car races in the 60s and was the gateaway car of choice for English bank robbers in that same era. How can that not be cool?
Beer comparison
Guinness Stout. Smooth, classic and timeless. A mate once broke up with his girlfriend because she drank the last can of Guinness in his fridge – then told him it was crap.
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